S p o r t s Wide-Eyed Receiver Bears Wideout offers his opinion on his vast skills

The outspoken Chicago Bears WR David Terrell has made many claims of superiority this year. The Produce Section offered Terrell an opportunity to detail his invinciblity. Bears WR David Terrell Hello. I’m Chicago Bears Loudmouth, David Terrell. Yeah, I’m pretty great, and I know it. I am a winner, in a town filled with losers, and losing attitudes. Following is a list of things in Chicago that I, myself, can beat: Bulls Cubs Hawks (easy) Loyola Ramblers (all sports) UIC Flames (sports and academics) Speeding tickets Operation Silver Shovel (I cannot be wiretapped) Lower Wacker Drive construction Chicago Deep Tunnel Project (note: currently ranked #1 on the American Society of Civil Engineers “Wonders of the Modern Engineering World” list – soon, I will be ranked #1) The bill at Charlie Trotter’s The pizza at Pizzaria Uno (my sauce is better, as is my buttery crust) Second City and Zanies combined Metromix/Redeye, and Red Streak (I’ve got the best blend of news and entertainment, worded at a level that’s just right for you) Softball (16” or 12” – you name it) CTA The Alley (I’m licensed to pierce you anywhere) Chicago Architecture Chicago’s recreational harbor space The Blues I am tied with Master Sommelier Alpana Singh, of Everest Restaurant and the TV show “Check, Please.” She got wine, I got spirits, and cigars were a dead heat. I cannot beat Millenium Park, though. I heard that place is awesome.