s c i e n c e b e a t Fallacious Math in Advertising A number of ads today make claims that simply don't add up By Mike Powers

Advertisers often give the air of mystery to a product or service in order to increase interest in it and desire for it. Take, for example, M-Life Wireless, by AT&T. When the vague teaser commercials aired during 2002's Big Football Game that we're not allowed to name, my friend and fellow producesection staffer turned to me and asked "What the MF is M-Life?" Witty comments aside, the campaign had worked-- we had spoken the product name out loud. An annoying trend spotted lately is the attempt by advertisers to use mathematics in a mystifying and alluring way. Most of the time, the mathematics are incorrect! I know they have staffs and staffs of proofreaders, and that every word is carefully chosen and debated, so I have to think that the advertisers are doing this intentionally, hoping that the mere presence of the mathematics instantly transports the consumer back to high school algebra class and the feelings of confusion, timidity, and openness for "the answer" (the product). But much like the small psychologist segment of the population can see right through the framework of the teaser campaign, the larger subgroup of people who understand mathematics have to feel insulted that the advertisers would try to use the mathematics to confuse the population at-large into finding out more about their product -- I know I do! I recently walked by a hair salon that had "Art+Science = Hair" on the banner overhanging the shop. This representation is ridiculous - the units don't balance at all. Art is measured in (aesthetic*value)/person, science is measured in understanding/discovery, and hair is measured in inches. The cross-multiplication, to arrive at common units of (person*discovery*inches), is just ugly. Jean-Claude Van Damme is the X factor As I watched the NBA All Star game on TNT this year, they showed many commercials for an upcoming "Van Damme Triple Play," where they were going to air the same movie, "Hard Target," at 8 EST/7 CST on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. They touted "Triple the action, triple the adventure, triple the Van Damme," Let's say that we can numerically represent the absolute amount of Van Damme contained in the movie "Hard Target" -- call it X. The advertisers would have us believe that, by showing the movie on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night (three times), we are left with 3X. But the advertisers are ignoring Y, the number of showings of the movie. We can see that the proper representation of the system as described is 3X/Y. Y=3, in this case, so we have 3X/3, which, reduced, leaves us with just X -- the original amount of Van Damme. Van Damme can not be created or destroyed, but the promo writers on TNT's staff don't seem to care. Another product skating on thin ice mathematically is the Doritos "3D" brand flavored corn snacks. Let's start by looking at the blurb from a bag of Zesty Ranch 3Ds: "Looking for a snack that's a little more interesting? Then grab a bag of Doritos brand 3D's brand Zesty Ranch flavored corn snacks. They deliver bold Zesty Ranch flavor in a cool, out-of-the-ordinary shape that adds a new dimension to snacking." This operates on a greatly flawed premise: That other chips are presumably only "2D." Even the thinnest of potato crisps, possess an "x", "y," and "z" axis. If we safely can assume that all chips possess 3 dimensions, then what is the "new dimension" is added to the snacking experience? Maybe it's some sort of "4th dimension?" Time, perhaps? I cannot imagine a mere corn chip bending temporal relativity merely in service of increasing tastiness. Pondering the metaphysics of the following question could give you heartburn: What does Time taste like? If we listened to the Doritos company, they would have you believe like paprika and sour cream. Advertisers, if you're reading this, please stop copping out with phony math and use your creative skills to pique my interest about your product -- I'd recommend animals acting like people. That usually does the trick.