 |
 |
| Since 1999 |    |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
C u l t u r e
The President Will Be Here All Week
By Mike Brumm
Is this the comedy team of the new century? Who is the straight man?
On the morning of January 14, 2002, it was reported that President Bush fainted after a pretzel got stuck in his throat. The President, in a moment of playfulness, made light of the situation by remarking, "My mother always said, ‘When you’re eating pretzels, chew before you swallow.’" To the President’s delight, this quip was met with uproarious laughter and applause.
Later that day, while touring a John Deere plant in Moline, IL., the President again made light of his ordeal. Holding up a welder’s helmet, the President said he needed a similar helmet to wear at the White House when eating pretzels. Again, this off-the-cuff remark was met with cheers and rampant hooting.
In fact, these quips have been so successful that the President has decided to answer all political inquiries with outrageous pretzel-based humor. And the results have been political dynamite!
On the backing out of the ABM treaty with Russia:
"I wouldn’t mind signing a treaty reducing pretzels!"
On the White House’s involvement with the Enron corporation:
"Phone calls? I wish somebody would have phoned my esophagus and told it a pretzel was coming down! Thank you. Thank you very much."
On the economic crisis in Argentina:
" What’s the deal with pretzels? Are they twists or are they rods? I mean, what’s going on there?"
On the fate of American Taliban John Walker:
"Did you ever notice the difference between pretzels and chips? I mean, chips go good with dip, but the only thing pretzels go good with is a fainting! Hello!"
Since the President implemented his "killer pretzel material" his Approval rating, which was already through the roof, has gone through the roof, reaching a whopping 99.2%.Indeed, the President’s material has only been booed once, and that was by a drunken heckler at an embassy dinner. The President blamed the booing incident on the liberal media and then playfully remarked, "I wish somebody would have booed that pretzel! Good night!"
The President Will Be Here All Week
By Mike Brumm
On the morning of January 14, 2002, it was reported that President Bush fainted after a pretzel got stuck in his throat. The President, in a moment of playfulness, made light of the situation by remarking, "My mother always said, ‘When you’re eating pretzels, chew before you swallow.’" To the President’s delight, this quip was met with uproarious laughter and applause.
Is this the comedy team of the new century? Who is the straight man?
Later that day, while touring a John Deere plant in Moline, IL., the President again made light of his ordeal. Holding up a welder’s helmet, the President said he needed a similar helmet to wear at the White House when eating pretzels. Again, this off-the-cuff remark was met with cheers and rampant hooting.
In fact, these quips have been so successful that the President has decided to answer all political inquiries with outrageous pretzel-based humor. And the results have been political dynamite!
On the backing out of the ABM treaty with Russia:
"I wouldn’t mind signing a treaty reducing pretzels!"
On the White House’s involvement with the Enron corporation:
"Phone calls? I wish somebody would have phoned my esophagus and told it a pretzel was coming down! Thank you. Thank you very much."
On the economic crisis in Argentina:
" What’s the deal with pretzels? Are they twists or are they rods? I mean, what’s going on there?"
On the fate of American Taliban John Walker:
"Did you ever notice the difference between pretzels and chips? I mean, chips go good with dip, but the only thing pretzels go good with is a fainting! Hello!"
Since the President implemented his "killer pretzel material" his Approval rating, which was already through the roof, has gone through the roof, reaching a whopping 99.2%.Indeed, the President’s material has only been booed once, and that was by a drunken heckler at an embassy dinner. The President blamed the booing incident on the liberal media and then playfully remarked, "I wish somebody would have booed that pretzel! Good night!"
The Produce Section
culture | reviews | advice | opinions | sports | letters | science | comics | anime
contact us | MAIN | All material © 1999-2006 The Produce Section
