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Tiger Wrestling Not As Easy As It Looks By Tarzan Many people think tiger wrestling is a walk in the jungle. They see Tarzan wrestle tiger on TV and say, "Hey, I can do that." This not true. Tiger wrestling is very hard and takes years of practice, plus it helps if you raised in jungle by mighty apes. Tarzan was lucky enough to be raised by loving apes. Apes show Tarzan how to pin tiger and call stomping elephant. (Apes also show Tarzan how to throw dung, but that not important). No, Tarzan recommend you wrestle something small at first, like house cat. House cat just like tiger, only it can be distracted with yarn. After you successfully pin house cat, Tarzan suggest you move on to bigger animal, like dog or overweight beaver. Wrestling a tiger is difficult and extremely dangerous. Still want to wrestle tiger? Well, maybe you change mind when you hear Tarzan almost eaten by tiger! It true! One day when walking through jungle, Tarzan come upon a female Tarzan. Tarzan immediately fall in love with female Tarzan. Female Tarzan wear red lipstick and leopard-skin dress. Make Tarzan swoon. When Tarzan approach female Tarzan to ask out on hot date, female Tarzan pounce on Tarzan! Female Tarzan not really female Tarzan at all, but tiger in disguise! Tarzan just barely get away from cross-dressing tiger! Tarzan never fall for female-Tarzan ploy again. But Tarzan admit, he more susceptible to female-Tarzan trick on lonely Friday and Saturday nights. Hopefully, after hearing Tarzan talk, you no want to wrestle tiger. But if you still not convinced, if you still want to be big shot and wrestle tiger, try to remember these things: 1. Never try to wrestle tiger from inside out. In other words, don’t let yourself be eaten with the intention of pummeling the tiger once you are inside its stomach. This never ever works. Believe Tarzan. 2. Never try to put a tiger to sleep by rubbing its belly. This only stirs up the tiger’s gastrointestinal juices. And once a tiger’s gastrointestinal juices are stirred, they send a message to the brain that says, "How ‘bout throwing a little something-something in the ol’ bread basket." Or so Tarzan has been told. 3. And no matter how great the temptation, never oil yourself down with barbecue sauce before wrestling tiger. Tarzan make this mistake once. Never again. In conclusion, Tarzan no recommend you try to wrestle tiger. Tiger very strong and will most likely eat you, or bite off your arm and then eat you. If you have no choice and are forced to wrestle tiger, Tarzan recommend you… you… um, Tarzan have no suggestions. Tarzan go to sleep now. Good night.