a d v i c e A Smorgasbord of Disaster A grocery list of dangerous foods to eat while driving

Munching on a sandwich while you steer is a bad idea... but you could do worse. By Dave Stinton Eating while driving is never a good idea; like any distraction, eating can be distracting. But the Center for Road Safety has studied years of data and compiled this list of the ten most dangerous foods to eat while driving. 1. Raw chicken. Convenient when you're in a hurry and don't have time for broasting, but contains dangerous bacteria and will leave the steering wheel sticky. 2. Curdled milk. Chewy and wholesome, but a bad idea. 3. Barbed wire. Can tear up the esophagus on the way to the stomach. 4. Tequila shots. Aside from the alcohol content, the licking of salt off the shoulder of the person in the passenger seat often causes swerving. 5. Bovine intestines. Unless the cow is 100% grass-fed, trace amounts of fecal matter may transmit mad cow, leading to a painful and humiliating death. 6. Live crabs. Otherwise quite unintelligent, crabs do have a powerful survival instinct, along with powerful claws. 7. Jake Busey. See #6. 8. Humble pie. The acknowledgement of wrongness or inferiority can lead to low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. Not what you want while driving. 9. The steering wheel. If you eat the steering wheel, then how will you steer the car? 10. "Blindfold burgers." There is a rapidly growing fad in which teens eat cheeseburgers while blindfolded. This carries obvious risks. Dave Stinton has a learning-disabled cat named Bobo and is an architect in another life.